No More Mr. Nice Guy —
Integrated with IFS
Behavioral change is not enough. Matt works with the parts underneath— shame, early wounding, and the beliefs that keep Nice Guy patterns in place.
What is Men's Work?
Men's Work is therapy and group process specifically focused on the psychological and relational patterns that show up distinctly for men: Nice Guy conditioning, approval-seeking, emotional suppression, and the disconnection from genuine self-respect and assertiveness.
Matt has spent years leading and participating in men's groups—spaces built on accountability, vulnerability, and the kind of direct feedback that rarely shows up elsewhere in men's lives. That experience shapes how he works individually: with directness, without judgment, and without false comfort.
This work is especially relevant for men navigating ADHD or neurodivergent patterns, where the combination of executive dysfunction and Nice Guy conditioning creates a particularly exhausting double bind—wanting to change, but unable to consistently follow through, and carrying shame about both.
Who this is for
- Men who recognize themselves in No More Mr. Nice Guy
- Men who avoid conflict at significant personal cost
- Men who give to get—and resent when the deal isn't honored
- Men who struggle to ask for what they want directly
- Men who are working hard and still feel behind
- Men who want real change, not just better behavior on the surface
Geography
Individual men's work therapy is available to Washington State residents via telehealth. Session fee: $150. Sliding scale available.
Certified No More Mr. Nice Guy Therapist
Matt is a certified No More Mr. Nice Guy therapist who has studied and mentored directly with Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Dr. Robert Glover & NMMNG
Dr. Robert Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy framework identifies a constellation of patterns—covert contracts, approval-seeking, avoidance of direct needs expression, and the suppression of authenticity in exchange for perceived safety and approval.
Matt has trained and mentored with Dr. Glover directly, bringing both the clinical rigor of a licensed therapist and the relational understanding of someone who has done this work himself.
Men's Group Experience
Years of leading and participating in men's groups has shaped Matt's clinical work. The group format builds accountability, breaks through isolation, and creates the conditions for the kind of honest feedback and vulnerability that drive real change.
That experience informs individual work: a willingness to say what's true, to name what he's seeing, and to hold the work with both directness and care.
The Nice Guy pattern — what it actually looks like
- Conflict avoidance and passive communication
- Covert contracts: "I'll do this, so they'll do that"
- Approval-seeking that masquerades as generosity
- Difficulty expressing needs or wants directly
- Resentment that accumulates without direct expression
- People-pleasing that comes at the cost of self-respect
- Sexual and relational difficulties rooted in inauthenticity
- An underlying belief that authentic self-expression is dangerous
A note on the name
No More Mr. Nice Guy doesn't mean becoming aggressive or uncaring. The work is about becoming integrated— able to be kind and have needs, generous and boundaried, connected and direct. It's about authenticity, not toughness.
NMMNG + IFS: behavioral change isn't enough
Standard Nice Guy work identifies the patterns and builds behavioral skills. IFS goes underneath—to the parts carrying the beliefs, the shame, and the early experiences that keep those patterns in place.
What NMMNG alone addresses
- Identifying Nice Guy patterns
- Breaking covert contracts
- Building behavioral assertiveness
- Developing direct communication skills
- Creating more authentic relationships
"Behavioral change without inner work is willpower-dependent— exhausting, fragile, and often temporary."
What the IFS integration adds
- Working with shame-carrying parts directly (not just cognitively)
- Accessing the childhood adversity that seeded the Nice Guy pattern
- Addressing trauma around gender identity and masculine conditioning
- Healing wounds around patriarchy, dominance hierarchies, and belonging
- Building genuine self-respect from the inside — not performance
- Unblending from the parts that drive people-pleasing automatically
- Developing Self-energy to lead behavior, not just override it
From behavioral change to integration
The NMMNG framework gives men a map of their patterns and tools to begin changing behavior. IFS gives them access to the parts underneath those patterns—the frightened young man who learned that needing things was dangerous, the angry part that's been suppressed for decades, the shame-laden exile that drives the approval-seeking.
Together, they create the conditions for real integration: not just better behavior at the surface, but a different relationship with oneself. A man who can be direct because he trusts himself—not because he's suppressing the part that's afraid.
What therapy looks like
Sessions are 60 minutes via telehealth. Matt works at a pace that respects both the urgency of change and the need for the inner system to feel safe enough to actually open up.
Expect directness. Matt will say what he notices. He won't let sessions drift into comfortable vagueness or endless processing without movement. At the same time, this is not confrontational or shame-inducing work— the goal is always integration, not performance.
The work will move between cognitive understanding (the NMMNG framework), parts-work exploration (IFS), somatic awareness where relevant, and real-world experiments that test new ways of being in relationships and at work.
Schedule a Free ConsultationMap the Pattern
Understand where the Nice Guy conditioning came from, how it shows up now, and what it's costing you in relationships, at work, and with yourself.
Meet the Parts Underneath
Use IFS to approach the shame-carrying, fear-driven, and approval-seeking parts with curiosity—not judgment. Understand what they're protecting, and begin to unburden them.
Build from the Inside Out
Develop the Self-energy and assertiveness skills to show up differently in relationships—with honesty, directness, and genuine care rather than covert strategy.
Ready to do the real work?
Start with a free 20-minute pre-consultation to see if this approach is the right fit for where you are.